A wee while ago, I notice that @MsJaneMurdoch – who  wrote this comprehensive list of actions that constitute violence against women – was tweeting a TL of abuse and rape culture as it had manifested in her life.
I think most non-men have these experiences. Certainly the statistics bear witness to that, although there are no comprehensive statistics around violence against gender nonconforming people.
I read each one, I recognise my own life and those of most non-men I know, and have known these last 52 years. I remember the constant fear, a fear I no longer carry for the most part. And certainly not for most of the day, as I used to.
This chronology carries content warning. It will be triggering and deeply uncomfortable to read.
And that’s why it’s important.
Here it is, in black and white.
The chronology of sexual abuse and rape culture in a young woman’s life.

7. A man asks me to take off my clothes & get under the blankets with him. He lifts the blankets & shifts to make room. He’s completely nude”

13. School principal makes me uncomfortable. I’m told I’m exaggerating, lying. He will commit suicide over accusations of molestation

14. My French grade is 98%. Teacher is known pervert. I ask him to please stop staring at my chest. Now he “loses” all my work.I nearly fail”

14. Friend is at my house. He starts kissing me, I let him. Then he unzips his pants & forces me to suck him til he cums in my mouth. Twice.”

15. At LAN party. Leave with pal to get something from his house. Back at party, he tells everyone I tried to sleep with him. “What a slut””

15. Drinking whiskey with 3 friends. So drunk I can’t walk. One of them half carries me to my room. He said we fucked. Still can’t remember.

15. 40yo man in my eclectic group of friends grabs my arm, says I’m jailbait. He’s gonna take my picture.”We can start with your clothes

15. I love my bf. I want to tell him about my rape at 14. I’m afraid. I make up a story. Later, he says he hopes I get raped again & get HIV

15. One friend jumped on me & held my arms while another unzipped my top & began undoing my jeans. I asked them to stop. No. I had to scream

16. I tell my bf I don’t want to have sex right now. He tells me too bad. I’ll do what he wants or he’ll hurt my mum & brother. He rapes me.”

17. I was walking in the winter & a stranger offered me a ride. I politely declined. He got angry&desperate. “Just get in the fucking truck”

17. Texting a 45yo friend. He starts being sexually explicit. Wants to have sex. He had a lengthy sexual relationship with Mum 2 years prior”

18. I dump abusive bf. He harasses me. Calls daily. I break down &call a help line. The woman is angry. Says I’m obsessed. “Get over him

18. I refuse a man’s sexual advance. He tells me he’s going to have his dogs tear me limb from limb.

18. I politely tell a man I’m uninterested when he asks me out. He spits on me & calls me an ugly cunt.

18. Left bf, a friend went to get my things a week later. Laptop fried. Took it to a dude to hopefully retrieve data. Child porn everywhere.

22. Walking down the street, a man calls out of a car window how fucking sexy I am & tells me to marry him. I was walking with my mum.

22. I’m in a taxi. Driver is ex-Military. He says women from his country are subservient&I’m sexy. He locks me in the cab til I give him my#

23. Walking home from work. A drunk man corners me & reaches under my shirt, groping my bare breasts. He tells me I’m hot & we’re going to fuck

23. After an assault Dad tells me “things like that” wouldn’t happen if I had a bf. He says I should “avoid men like that”

23. First date, he’s driving. We’ve previously spoken, he knows my expectations. I get into car. He lunges, shoves his tongue down my throat

24. Told a man I wasn’t into poetry. He said I’d better hope he never sees me IRL because all feminists deserve to be beaten black & blue.

25. I think a man is following me home. I call him on it. He calls me a bitch & turns around, walking back several blocks to where he saw me

25. Woman I’m interested in visits me. I want to stay dressed. She doesn’t take no for an answer. I’m too shocked to stop her until I’m nude

25. I post about my experiences & a man laughs & gleefully talks about how much men must love raping me.