Author: AIC

Gratitude 2016.

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This year has been a seminal one, both for me personally, and for the Aunties. There are a lot of people to thank – people who were uber aunties, and people who made my job coordinating donations for first 2, and now 5, womens refuges, much easier.

Thanks first and foremost to the people who said yes to me this year.  The Aunties Board: who I approached for that express purpose early in the year, who all said yes and showed such trust and faith in me, and what I want to do with The Aunties. We have a vision, we have a mission, and we are very close to being a registered charity. Just some dotting of i’s and dotting of t’s to come. Thank you: MIchéle, Jackson, Elaine, Paul, Julie, and Phil. Thank you for your support, love, grand ideas, generosity, laughter and for making me think.

Thanks to the people who went above and beyond this year. Who started out giving me stuff for the women and are now collecting stuff from their circles, coming up with great ideas, firmly attached to the ethos of The Aunties and what we stand for.

Thank you to : Sacha, for looking after H. To Phil for advocating for C when she needed it the most. To Heather for starting out on your own Aunties adventure in Christchurch. To Rochelle for getting onboard and helping out the Wellington Women’s Boarding House, using the Aunties model.

Thank you Abbey Maree, Sherry, Alex, Rachel, Chantel, Alison, Paul, Diana, Jasmine, Tina, Hine, Kimi, Karen, Robyn, Sarah, Kyle, Rosie and Helene for being my shopping buddies this year.

Thank you, Ana, for spreading the word in a way that I couldn’t previously have dreamed about.

Thank you Shona, Mel,  Abigail, Mary, Danusia, Vish, Penny, Lee, Pauline D, Diane, Margie, Pip, Lisette, Siouxsie, Kellie, Roz, Ange, Jane, Gloria, Ebony, Mereana, Selina, Becs, Vicky, Anusha, Dita, Suzanne, Miche, Vivvy, Hilary, Jo, Emma, Allison, Leonie, David, Rob, Barb, Marina, Ed, Nellie, Atarea, Johanna, Delaney, Allan, Muirie, Tove, Deva, Fleur, Paul, Susan, Jenni, Lorna, Sharon, Vic, and Karen for your financial generosity, and your STUFF this year. For collecting stuff for me, for having a heart for the women, for trusting I know what I’m doing and that I’ll find a good home for anything you give to me. For taking stuff to the refuge because it was easier. For responding so quickly when I have told you about a need that one or some of the women may have. Above all for supporting this enterprise, that has expanded and become basically me sending you begging emails.

Thank you to Guardian Storage, and Ange in particular, for being so generous and so accommodating. Having a storage unit has made all the difference in the world. Speaking of which, thank you Mel for taking on the organisation of it. Most of the time, I dump and run, so I know it’s a challenge!

Thank you to Kris, Karen, Louise, Trish, Bill, and Renee for allowing me to keep doing this. I know I’m part of the furniture now, but I thank you for your trust in me, and for letting me, and the Aunties, into your hearts.

Thank you to everyone on Twitter, and on the public facebook page who listens. Who hears what I have to say, and sends me private messages to just lend your support and love. Those people who share things far and wide, favourite or like everything, and are great cheerleaders. I see you.

Thanks to the women who have allowed me to share that brief period of their lives whilst they are in the refuge, and recognised that they are worth what I/we are giving them. Who have trusted me with their stories, and who have taught me so much about my own life lived in IPV, and who have been gracious and accepting of me. Who have recognised me as one of them. Thanks in particular to A*, H, C, C, J, M and D, who have let me into their lives, and hearts. Love you long time.

Thank you to Pinky, who designed our new logo, which is exactly right, and takes us into charity status very nicely.

What most people don’t know is that we aren’t really a team, as such. There are many, many Aunties, and for the most part, it’s a cast of changing characters. We aren’t ever all in the same place at the same time, and sometimes people choose to step out and then step back in later, or step out permanently. I’ve never “kicked” anyone out of the Aunties – it’s not that sort of group. It’s mainly me communicating with everyone online/via email, and then I see you all one on one. Except at Easter, and Christmas, and when we need bulk toiletries. If you were to draw a diagram of what the Aunties is, it would look a bit like our logo tree. Hearts all over the place, and I’m the old trunk. The hearts don’t really see each other or even know each other exist but I connect them all. That was likely a crap analogy but oh well. I haven’t met a lot of the Aunties, and often I don’t actually know who they are. People choose to remain anonymous, mainly when giving money,  and I’m okay with that. Yet here we are. A group of people doing extraordinary things for other people. The number of people we are doing that with, and for, has increased but it was ever thus. Just getting it done.

Thanks so much to you all. I appreciate your contributions, love your work, and look forward to continuing to be stroppy together.

From my heart to yours.

Jackie.

#merryrefugexmas

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It’s that time of year. A time to give thanks to everyone who helped make 85 kids Xmas a bit brighter.

For those of you unfamiliar with #refugexmas, it goes a bit like this. 3 years ago, a group of us decided we would give all the kids living in the refuge a bit of Xmas. It was all a bit overwhelming for everyone involved. I seem to remember 200 people bought presents for 40 or so kids. Some bought more than one, so we were inundated. Logistically, I was a bit out of my depth.  I matched up each person with a child, we had a huge wrapping party, and we made up banana box food parcels for the women, I went to my first refuge xmas party and this is what that looked like.  Things have changed somewhat. I now coordinate a larger group of Aunties, I think I’m a bit better at the SM stuff, and we are doing Xmas for more kids than ever, this year from 4 refuges and a whānau house that cares for families in crisis. This year, I tried a different tack. I asked people to send in gifts, so that there would be enough for heaps of kids, and also for birthdays throughout the next year. I had no idea if this would work or not, but it seemed to, as most things do in their own way. There were groups of people having buying sprees and people popping gift cards in the post. The pressies were stored in the storage unit – another new development – and we had a gathering of eight of us to wrap them all a couple of days before the refuge xmas party. The rest were delivered to their respective refuges, and it was done for another year.

Now, to be honest, it’s a logistical challenge. I’m learning all the time about what works best, and what not to do. For example: the willy nilly sending of presents works extremely well. For four years, I’ve been relying on people’s good will and generosity and none of you have let me down yet. What didn’t work so much was my disorganisation. Next year, bigger storage bins so I can sort age groups as I go, more effectively. And maybe start a little earlier. Provide presents for teenaged boys, who are notoriously difficult to get pressies for and who are easily forgotten in all the fuss. I’m also convinced I should coordinate people to send as many pressies as possible so that we have enough to take a good big load down to the City Mission.

So that’s next year. Be warned! I’ll be asking for pressies from October!

And back to this year. So many people to thank. Xmas has become, effectively, the only time when Aunties actually get to do stuff together, if in small groups. The shopping for the womens xmas baskets, and the wrapping. And that’s it. Other than that, Aunties don’t get to volunteer, really. I just ask for money and stuff, and it arrives and then I do the stuff that needs doing. So it’s a bit of a special thing, this Xmas malarkey. A lovely lovely thing.

Thank you to Paul and Abbey, Rachel and Chantel, Rosie and Alex who came to do the shopping for the women’s gift baskets. The fastest shopping trip yet, and the baskets turned out beautifully.

Thank you Hillary and Gloria and Alex for the gorgeous soaps and toiletries which were put in the staff gift baskets. They look forward to them every year!

Thanks to my lovely Helene who’s having a really rough time right now, and despite all that, gave me booty for the women – which got waylaid and delivered to the City Mission instead…..

Many thanks to DePaul House in Northcote who donated presents which were given to the City Mission, because we had so many.

Thank you to Mary, Kerry, Alison, Romilly, Susan, Trish and Claudine who sorted and wrapped all the presents and put up with me panicking and flapping my hands with said panic. We got it done though…..

Thanks to Kirsti for delivering a new bike to two very happy kids.

Thank you to Heather who coordinated presents for a couple of refuges in Christchurch, and got Sherry to bring another huge suitcase up for us as well!

Thanks to everyone who sent presents. Really. You went completely over the top, and actually that was just what was needed, and worked beautifully.

Thank you in particular to: Fliss, Penny,  Hariata, Rikki, Kate, Claire, Allison, Siobhan, Victoria, Leonie, Rachel, Jenni, Phil, Julie, Michéle, Jackson, and everyone who sent, or brought me,  presents for the kids. Some of you sent named boxes, some of you didn’t, and that’s likely something I need to do next year. Take a note of everyone’s names so I can thank you effectively!

Many thanks to everyone who put money in the givealittle so that we could fill the womens baskets and buy them PNS gift vouchers. Thank you Sue, Toni, B, Caroline, Sabine, David, Suzi, Tracey, Ceara, Georgie, Heather, and Jen amongst many anonymous others.

Many thanks to everyone who helped to make these women and kids have a better xmas than their last ones. And thanks especially to those of you who gave gifts and stuff for J, who has just had her baby and is feeling a little overwhelmed, and A* who is in a new home, free from pain (she calls her past her book of hurt), and absolutely thrilled with everyone’s kindness to her. Thanks to many of you, she not only has Xmas but also furniture!

Thank you above all to Michéle, Jackson, Elaine, Phil, Paul and Julie who, every day, have sent me gifs to cheer me on, and been such a bloody asset, I cannot be more thankful. They have made all of this so much easier.

Three years ago, all of this, The Aunties, had only just begun. Now, well, so much change has happened. So many good things have happened. So much love from you all to the women. Xmas is a time for kids, traditionally, but in this case, it really makes a difference for their mums, too. Thank you.

A day in the (new) life of the Head Aunty

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Many of you know that at the end of September, I quit my teaching job in order to Aunty more fulltime. I thought that may be a couple of days a week. But at the moment, it really is fulltime. I’ve done this post more as a sort of accounting to myself, and been surprised at what this job actually consists of. It’s also a useful log for later, when I have to account to others for hours worked.

 

– Nov 2: 35 kms, meet K,  got stuff for kids – 3 hours
– Nov 3: 75 kms. Picked up stuff from Glen Eden, Balmoral, went to WH and bought $300 gift card for a family. Went to refuge, gave K $150 for phones. Gave stuff to C. Drove to PO Box in Manukau, storage unit in Wiri – unloaded car, put stuff in unit. 9-4
– Nov 6 – warehouse to buy 6 flexitubs $90, post office box, storage unit to unload tubs and boxes of clothes 47 km 10-2
– November 10th – 70km – post office storage unit, unload bedding, refuge, take C home 11-2
– 12 Nov – 28 km – storage unit to meet with Mel to discuss organising it 1-2
– 16 Nov – storage unit to unpack 10 km 9-10
– 25 Nov – loading car, storage unit, unpack, take baby stuff and clothes, Kmart for D voucher, Refuge 35 km 9-1
– 28 Nov – storage unit, refuge breakfast, Shine, pick up boxes, storage unit 67k 9-3
– Dec 1: refuge, unload, firm up Xmas lists with K, Kmart, post office, pick up J, unload baby stuff, take J to lunch, Warehouse for baby capsule, ($314) storage unit, police station re protection order and being transferred to another area 48km 9-3
– Dec 2 – attend K grad, pick up from Remuera, Western Springs, Onehunga, attend AWC AGM + talk abt Aunties and cars with CM 10am-9pm 90 kms
– Dec 3: pack car, storage unit 9.45-10.45
– Dec 5 – aunties meeting, pick up stuff 5.30- 9pm
– Dec 6 – drop stuff off at Te Whānau Rangimarie
– Dec 7 – C: MSD, police, enrol little C at kindy. 63k 12-4
– Dec 8 – post office, storage unit, unpack gifts, pack towels and bedding, refuge, supermarket for vouchers, back to refuge 20 km 10-2
– Dec 8 – pick up H, take to storage unit to get gifts and clothes, take her home again. 15 km 4.30-5.30
– Dec 9 storage unit with C to get clothes and gifts; 6pm phone T, talk, take food and visit with her. 6-8 pm
– Dec 10 – pick up A, shopping for and packing luxury gift baskets, 30 km
– Dec 12 – pick ups x 4, Mt Eden, Greenhithe, Pt Chev, shop for staff gift baskets 106km 10-4.30
–

Spend an average of 3 hours a day on Aunty emails/SM/messenger

Meeting A*

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Sometimes,  in this job, you meet someone very special. Someone you know you will likely have in your life for some time. Someone who deeply touches, and moves you with their honesty. Today was one such day. Let me tell you why.

Yesterday, when I went to the refuge, K told me about A* and a little about her situation because she wanted to know if The Aunties could help getting A* some furniture. So I talked to the Board, and we decided to try and raise $3000 so that A* could have what she needs, and not have strangers delivering their second hand furniture to her. Because that’s normally what happens – if someone offers furniture, I put them in touch with the woman who needs it, and they coordinate delivery themselves. But not in this case. A* has newly left an intensely dangerous situation, and would prefer that strangers not come to her house.

And then today, K asked me if we could organise A*’s drivers licence for her, and sent me A*’s phone number. I rang A* after a long day, and we talked. And talked and talked and talked. She has what I call shut in syndrome – something that is particularly noticeable in women who are naturally bubbly, but have had to shut their mouths for a long long time.  In the course of our phone call, it transpires that she’s been waiting all day for delivery of a washing machine, and fridge. Her children, two older, are there to run interference. They’ve been waiting since 8am, and they’re still waiting at 7pm. She doesn’t want to leave the house without them so they’ve had no food all day. Horrified, I offer to bring her some food. And she cries. “Come and see me!”. She lives not very far away, and so I do. I pack a bag with food for her and the kids, just enough for a snack, and I drive down the road.

She greets me with a huge hug, and lots of laughter. She introduces me to her kids, her niece. She and they and I, we laugh. She talks more about her story. She wants to tell YOU her story. She wants to tell you her name. Because, she says, she wants him to know she is not defeated. And primarily, she wants other women to know it’s not too late to leave, it’s never too late to leave. She doesn’t quite believe it when I tell her that you will all believe her. That whatever she says, you will know it’s true. Because nobody has ever believed what he did to her, nobody has ever heard her voice. And she wants, most emphatically, her voice to be heard. She has agency in her own life.

So one day, in the near future, I will take my laptop to her house, and she and I will sit down and she will tell me everything she wants you to know. If you are still living with domestic violence, if you’ve left that years ago, or whether you have never known what it’s like, she wants you to hear. She wants you to see her. “These will be my words, Jackie, but you must write them for me.”

And so, I will. And you will hear her. She deserves to be heard. We owe her that.