Category: Announcements

What The Aunties Did, November 2016

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November has been a pretty special month for us – Auntie Jackie (our Auntie-In-Charge) retired from her teaching position and became a fulltime, hands-on, roll-your-sleeves-up auntie. This is, right now, unpaid work but one day we hope to find ways to fund the leadership she gives us.

 

So because we have a fulltime Auntie, a lot has been done. We made contact with a particularly vulnerable young woman and provided bedding for her, plus bedding for two Shine refuges. We went shopping for some baby stuff for a woman who has a baby and not much else. We bought some bras for a woman who didn’t have any, and some tyres for another woman’s car, and some Warehouse gift cards for a family, and some cheap phones for women who had made it into refuge, paid a doctor’s bill, and fixed a TV aerial for a woman who has left refuge for her own place so she can watch a bit of telly. We gave several women vouchers for groceries and for clothes and household things, and paid for another woman to sit her full driver’s licence so she can move around the world independently.

 

We advocated on behalf a person with the police, and have been asked to continue that advocacy for them with MSD and Housing NZ and other agencies that can be difficult to navigate on your own, especially when you’re not at your best because life is scary and hard. It makes a difference to have someone sitting beside you.

 

Auntie Jackie took one of the women and her daughter out for lunch (her treat) and bought her little girl her very first Fluffy. To be honest, she preferred her mama’s iced chocolate but every kid should get a Fluffy at some point, even if it’s so they can work out that iced chocolate is better.

 

We are also getting Christmas-busy, filling our new storage unit with containers full of gifts and clothes. We make an effort to gather up presents that match up with the 70 or so kids we will have at the refuge Christmas party – have a look at our Facebook page to see ages and genders and particular wishes, and let us know if there is a kid you would like to buy a gift for. Some of us are picking kids the same age as our own kids or grandkids, and buying them the same stuff to make the shopping easy. The party happens in the week before Christmas. We’re getting some really lovely things to give to these kids – lots of them don’t get brand new, shiny things to unwrap in an ordinary year, so we’re working hard to make this one special.

 

So thank you to all of you – Aunties and friends – for your gifts of cash and kind (and kindness) for helping us get all this done.

 

Nga mihi nui,

The Aunties

 

 

What The Aunties Did – October 2016

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As always we bought food for the refuge, and for women in the community. We also bought some baby clothes, and Warehouse vouchers so a family of kids who have had a very tough time – and who had been uplifted from an unsafe place with absolutely nothing – could have something brand new to wear. Sometimes it feels really good for kids to go shopping for something that no-one else has ever worn before.
Auntie Phil took some clothes and linen over to an Auntie who has taken on her sister’s three kids. Two of the kids had a cry because they were so relieved they wouldn’t have to wear the same clothes to school every day like they have been. Their new worry was that Santa might not know they have moved house so Auntie Phil gave them Santa’s PO Box number so the kids can write to him. We are pretty sure Santa will get back to them and confirm that he knows where they are now.
We replaced a car windscreen for one of the women, gave a voucher for bras for someone else, and got a TV aerial put up for one of the women who had moved into her own home. Putting the aerial up didn’t cost as much as we’d expected, so we decided she could spend what was left over on food.
And we have hired a big storage unit so we can collect all the things people kindly donate, and hold on to them until they are needed. Previously, we’ve had to say “no” to some things we didn’t immediately have a use for because we had nowhere to put it, but now we can stockpile stuff until it is needed. (It is always needed eventually.)
This also means we are building something of a Santa’s cave – Christmas gifts for the 70 or so kids who will be having a Christmas with refuges this year. So keep those presents coming – just label them so we know the kind of kid they’re meant for. Message us for a place to deliver to, or we may be able to come pick them up.
We also want to thank people who have given us special things, like writer/illustrator Raymond McGrath who has donated two copies of his kids’ books, signed and personalised. And we’ve made contact with Eco Educate who recycle soft toys and turn them into new teddy bears, and we’re hoping we can give one to all of our kids.
And it’s not just about money and stuff – Auntie Jackie went to a Family Group Conference to support one of the women and her son. We are still looking for a mentor to work with one of our teenage boys who is in need of a good male role model. We’re hoping to find someone who can spend a bit of time with him and talk through some of the issues you might expect a kid who has grown up with violence has to deal with.
Auntie Jackie talked to a women’s service club about the work the Aunties do. As a result, they have chosen our refuges as the recipients of their collection of kids’ gifts and food this Christmas. Auntie Jackie is available to speak at other gatherings about the work – let us know if you are interested in hearing more about that. That’s one of the way we are planning to raise funds to do all this awesome stuff.
So thank you again for making all of this possible. We love knowing how many of you are out there supporting the things we do. Nga mihi nui.

A chronology of sexual violence. *Trigger and content warnings

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A wee while ago, I notice that @MsJaneMurdoch – who  wrote this comprehensive list of actions that constitute violence against women – was tweeting a TL of abuse and rape culture as it had manifested in her life.
I think most non-men have these experiences. Certainly the statistics bear witness to that, although there are no comprehensive statistics around violence against gender nonconforming people.
I read each one, I recognise my own life and those of most non-men I know, and have known these last 52 years. I remember the constant fear, a fear I no longer carry for the most part. And certainly not for most of the day, as I used to.
This chronology carries content warning. It will be triggering and deeply uncomfortable to read.
And that’s why it’s important.
Here it is, in black and white.
The chronology of sexual abuse and rape culture in a young woman’s life.

7. A man asks me to take off my clothes & get under the blankets with him. He lifts the blankets & shifts to make room. He’s completely nude”

13. School principal makes me uncomfortable. I’m told I’m exaggerating, lying. He will commit suicide over accusations of molestation

14. My French grade is 98%. Teacher is known pervert. I ask him to please stop staring at my chest. Now he “loses” all my work.I nearly fail”

14. Friend is at my house. He starts kissing me, I let him. Then he unzips his pants & forces me to suck him til he cums in my mouth. Twice.”

15. At LAN party. Leave with pal to get something from his house. Back at party, he tells everyone I tried to sleep with him. “What a slut””

15. Drinking whiskey with 3 friends. So drunk I can’t walk. One of them half carries me to my room. He said we fucked. Still can’t remember.

15. 40yo man in my eclectic group of friends grabs my arm, says I’m jailbait. He’s gonna take my picture.”We can start with your clothes

15. I love my bf. I want to tell him about my rape at 14. I’m afraid. I make up a story. Later, he says he hopes I get raped again & get HIV

15. One friend jumped on me & held my arms while another unzipped my top & began undoing my jeans. I asked them to stop. No. I had to scream

16. I tell my bf I don’t want to have sex right now. He tells me too bad. I’ll do what he wants or he’ll hurt my mum & brother. He rapes me.”

17. I was walking in the winter & a stranger offered me a ride. I politely declined. He got angry&desperate. “Just get in the fucking truck”

17. Texting a 45yo friend. He starts being sexually explicit. Wants to have sex. He had a lengthy sexual relationship with Mum 2 years prior”

18. I dump abusive bf. He harasses me. Calls daily. I break down &call a help line. The woman is angry. Says I’m obsessed. “Get over him

18. I refuse a man’s sexual advance. He tells me he’s going to have his dogs tear me limb from limb.

18. I politely tell a man I’m uninterested when he asks me out. He spits on me & calls me an ugly cunt.

18. Left bf, a friend went to get my things a week later. Laptop fried. Took it to a dude to hopefully retrieve data. Child porn everywhere.

22. Walking down the street, a man calls out of a car window how fucking sexy I am & tells me to marry him. I was walking with my mum.

22. I’m in a taxi. Driver is ex-Military. He says women from his country are subservient&I’m sexy. He locks me in the cab til I give him my#

23. Walking home from work. A drunk man corners me & reaches under my shirt, groping my bare breasts. He tells me I’m hot & we’re going to fuck

23. After an assault Dad tells me “things like that” wouldn’t happen if I had a bf. He says I should “avoid men like that”

23. First date, he’s driving. We’ve previously spoken, he knows my expectations. I get into car. He lunges, shoves his tongue down my throat

24. Told a man I wasn’t into poetry. He said I’d better hope he never sees me IRL because all feminists deserve to be beaten black & blue.

25. I think a man is following me home. I call him on it. He calls me a bitch & turns around, walking back several blocks to where he saw me

25. Woman I’m interested in visits me. I want to stay dressed. She doesn’t take no for an answer. I’m too shocked to stop her until I’m nude

25. I post about my experiences & a man laughs & gleefully talks about how much men must love raping me.

#refugexmas

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Yes! It’s that time of year again!  For the last three years, The Aunties have done Xmas for the refuge. We’ve  given 200 kids presents, we have provided 75 women (and the refuge staff) with luxury gift baskets, and  run ourselves ragged in the spirit of joy and giving.

So this year, we are going even bigger. What can you do to help? Simple! There are two very easy ways of making Xmas special for a whole lot of people.

You can contribute by:

1) buying. a present (or 2 or 3) for a child. A boy, a girl, or nonbinary. Age ranges 0-3, 4-6, 7-10. You can wrap them or leave them unwrapped and send to:

The Aunties, PO Box 76638, Manukau, Auckland 2241

From there, we will match the Xmas list of kids who need presents with the presents received, and done!

Extra presents will be given to another refuge that I am building a relationship with, and also used for birthday presents for kids in both refuges throughout the year.

I need about 200 present to fulfill the Xmas needs so start shopping. And know that for all of these kids, it may well be the only presents they receive this year, so you are a very important person in their lives.

OR 

2)  you can contribute money to our Givealittle. Money donated over Xmas will be used to buy supplies for at least 25 gift baskets for women in the refuge community that we support, staff gift baskets, and for wrapping paper to wrap those gifts that come unwrapped. It is also likely that we will be buying Pak N Save gift vouchers for the women who will be staying in the house over Xmas.

So there you go. It’s all very simple, and so doable. The way we are doing it has changed, and the numbers we are doing it for have grown but the kindness of strangers remains a constant. And for that we are so very grateful to you.

Thank you.

Jackie Clark, Aunty In Charge.