What the Aunties Did: August 2016

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Thanks to you – your donations of dollars, and your donations of stuff – this is what the Aunties did this August.

When women leave unsafe places, they often leave with nothing. This month we were able to buy $1000 worth of Gift Cards to give to women in the Refuge (or who are leaving Refuge) to buy things they need from the Warehouse. And we bought $750 worth of Pak’n’Save vouchers to help women fill their cupboards when they leave Refuge, and for women in the community who have nothing and are finding it difficult to leave. We also helped some women to pay their power and phone bills, and another woman was able to get her door fixed.

One woman needed to get out of Auckland quickly and go to a safe city further south so we gave her $300 to help tide her over, and we got her some KFC for dinner before she left.

Something we feel particularly thrilled about is that, by collaborating with a very kind and generous dentist, we helped one of the women from Refuge get her teeth repaired. She now has the most remarkable smile. Costs were partly covered by ACC and then the dentist donated her time. Aunty Phil went with her to the appointments, and we sent a bunch of flowers to the dentist afterwards to say thank you. The refuge will be using this dentist from now on and we will cover any costs incurred. This need occurs only a few times a year.

Aunty Phil also visited WINZ with one of the women to advocate for her, and help her navigate those difficult waters with great success.

The Aunties made a contribution of $300 towards one of the women attending an Outward Bound course, and we bought a reconditioned laptop for a mother who is focused on getting back into work and needed a computer to do this. We also managed to find another second-hand laptop for Auntie Jackie so she can continue to do all the online stuff the Aunties requires.

And of course we bought food for the Refuge. We also spent $58 on mosaic tiles for the women’s art therapy, and summer seeds for the Refuge garden. And on Mondays, when Auntie Jackie visits the Refuge to talk with the women about what they need, she takes delicious treats with her to make it as much fun as possible. This is when Jackie gets those lists of things – the shoes, warm coats, duvets, rugby balls, hair-straighteners, knickers and so forth – that so many of you generously provide.

So those are some of the things you helped the Aunties do this August. Nga mihi nui!

If you’d like to help us help the refuge, and bring some joy and dignity to  the women and kids who live there, and families in the refuge community, as well as other beautiful humans, you can do that here.

Aunty *A – a love letter

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I want to tell you about Aunty *A. They are a person I love very much, and they are going on a big adventure very soon, so this is my way of paying tribute to them.

Aunty *A came into my life a few years ago. They mean the world to me, because at a time when I lost my way, they were there, and they have helped me to be the very best me I can be, and they keep me centred in a way nobody else has ever been able to.

Aunty *A  is an integral part of The Aunties, has advised me, warned me, counselled me, and moderated me all the way to here. They have heart, compassion and wisdom. They have calm, and tranquillity, and thoughtfulness. Sometimes their calm is maddening, but I always listen.

Aunty *A is a finer human being than most human beings I have met, and it is because of them that I stand tall, sure in my knowledge and heart.

Aunty *A and I know what it is to live with domestic violence. And both Aunty *A and I have struggled back from that brink. We know what this is. We see each other. We feel each other. We hear each other. We love each other.

I love you Aunty *A.

Forever and always.

Women’s Refuge Appeal Month

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July  is Women’s Refuge Appeal month.  All refuges are run independently, and funded independently and they all need your donations. You can either give to the national organisation National Collective of Independent Women’s Refuges – this is a national advocacy and lobbying group to which most refuges in NZ are affiliated. They work tirelessly to raise awareness of domestic violence and advocate for women and children escaping family violence in New Zealand.

You can also choose to donate to individual women’s refuges. As I said, all are run independently – most are charitable trusts – and funded independently. All receive funding from the Ministry of Social Development, but all struggle to get by and survive, and only do so through donations and grants applied for. The work I do is fairly unusual in that usually donations are coordinated by refuge staff, and as you can imagine, they have to expend precious time doing this and their other important work as well. They really do need all the help they can get, and money is the biggest way you can help them.

You can either ring them and get their bank account details – most can be found here. There are 54 refuges listed on the Women’s Refuge NZ website, and there are others, in NZ, that are not affiliated to NWCIR and are not on that page. Most women’s refuges  contact details can be found simply by googling or looking in the phone book.

Some women’s refuges have givealittle pages or fundraising links on websites and so I thought it may be useful to have those links for you here. I’ll add more throughout the month. A useful place to start is Healthpages – most refuges are listed here.

Auckland Women’s Refuge Collective

Tauranga Women’s Refuge

The Aunties – raising donations for Te Whare Marama, and to provide sustainable support for marginalised and vulnerable people.

Shakti – Ethnic Women’s Refuges

Kaitaia Women’s Refuge

Whare Manaaki – Porirua Women’s Refuge

Taranaki Women’s Refuge

Hastings Women’s Refuge

AvivaFamilies – Chch Women’s Refuge

West Chch Women’s Refuge

 

Te Puea Big Day Out

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i am just home from the most wonderful day and I’m still just processing it all, but I wanted you all to know about the amazing people I spent today with.

It’s no secret that I spend a very little time at Te Puea Marae. Sometimes they tell me what’s really needed that’s a bit unusual – stuff that nobody would think to donate like rubbish bags, that sort of thing. And so, what’s happened, is I’ve started to build up relationships with some of the people down there who are all, it should be said, volunteers, and who are using their Marae as the front door to social services for people who otherwise wouldn’t access those services or have difficulty getting a foot in the door. Homeless people. Living in cars. Most are families, some small, some large.

The people who work regularly at the Marae are themselves beautiful people, and so when I suggested I take all the whānau on the trip, they were more than willing to allow that to happen. I had never met any of the whānau living at the Marae.  Because of this, I’d also asked Marae staff if they would come, at least 2 or 3 of them so that the whānau wouldn’t feel too shy, and at least have familiar faces along for the ride.

So this morning, I went along a little early so I could meet everyone, talk to them a bit beforehand about what was going on, and together we waited for the bus to arrive. I finally met a few people from the Marae I hadn’t yet met – Huri, the backbone of the whole thing, a gentle and lovely man, gracious and kind. Moko, who I had talked to for quite a while via social media, and who I would consider somewhat of a sister. The mood was upbeat, though the older kids were putting on a bit of a front. But I saw them, the way they cared for the younger children, how solicitous and gracious they were. We seemed to be waiting a long time, so I rang the bus driver, and I mention this only because he was to become a very important part of the day. Finally, the bus arrived, we all got on, found our seats and I got talking to Nanny L, a retired social worker who volunteers at the Marae 3 days a week. A woman who knows her stuff. We had a really great chat about her career, about working with kids, and about how using kaupapa Māori had been a really important and effective part of her practice. I sat with a little tiny girl who had the sweetest smile and loved being able to see everything out the window.

We went to Kelly Tarltons, and the staff there were so kind and lovely. And we changed the timetable – I went to see Barry our bus driver who was waiting for us the entire time and asked if we could go to a park and eat lunch. He was incredibly flexible, and accommodating with everything I asked of him. Lovely man.

Lunch was had, a veritable feast put together by the Marae staff and parents the night before. I got talking to a few of the parents, we watched the kids play touch, it was all so lovely. We went to Mission Bay. We ate icecream, and we got on the bus and Barry took the long way home so that the kids could see a bit more of this big city.

And then, home.

I am left with this. I have never,  in twenty years of teaching and knowing thousands of parents, ever seen such gentle, mindful and peaceful parenting. Such love and grace. I was stunned by it. They have, all of them, lived in dire circumstances for prolonged periods of time – I had thought they would be stressing, and factious. But all I felt from them was the most extraordinary peacefulness. Calm. Unharried. Some of the kids were arguing as kids do. There was only hugs and love, and reminders to be careful of one another’s feelings. I’m sure there must be times of distress and where that grace is tested, but I never saw it all day. What extraordinary people, and what a privilege to spend time with them. As I said to them, I show you some light, you show me some light, we all benefit.

And we did.

I won’t forget today or these people for a very long time, and I’m determined that we do this again. Spend time with each other, just being. What a pleasure.

Thank you all for the chance to do this – Gloria, Alec, Kelly Tarltons, James, The Aunties, the whānau of Te Puea Marae, Huri, Johnboi, Moko, Martha, Whitiao, Lorna, Jenny, Mata, Tom, Mona. All of you.

We built something today.