Collection: Blog

I have been married for almost 23 years. For the first five years of my marriage, I lived with emotional and verbal abuse most days. I remember that some days, he was so irritated by me that even my breathing was wrong.We screamed and yelled at each other. He never hit me. Once, I slapped his face to get a reaction, and he told me that if I ever did that again, he would slap me back. I yelled...

People want to help, but sometimes it can be really hard to figure out how. There are a variety of ways you can help your local Women's Refuge.You can volunteer. You can give money. You can collect for the National Collective of Women's Refuges (NCWR) on their annual appeal day. You can give them stuff!If you're not part of #kapawhaea, and you don't live in Auckland, I'm here to show you how to go about doing these things.Firstly, you...

An early morning visit to the refuge this morning to drop off some clothes, and as I listened to the women's early morning talk - greeting each other with "Morning, Sissy!" as they got up and came into the kitchen to see me - I started thinking about one of the things I know most about this place, and the women who inhabit it, briefly or for a long time. There are tensions occasionally,  different personalities rubbing up against each...

Today was a watershed day.  A few days ago, we crossed the $10,000 threshold on our givealittle page.  https://givealittle.co.nz/cause/auntiesI didn't notice until today. For shame. However, when I reached the page, I had to look twice to make sure that what I was seeing was accurate. And yes, it was. I immediately burst into tears. And I want you to know why, and who has done this.If you go to the givealittle page, there is a precis of what...

It's almost February, so I'm a bit late with this post.#refugexmas is done and dusted , the new year has started,  life has returned to some sort of routine.But I wanted to tell you all a little about what a difference you made to the women and kids this year. 25 women, and approximately 70 kids, to be more accurate.You need to know that for many of the kids present at the refuge xmas party, the gifts you sent...

Some of you who know me well will know that one of the women I have met and come to love in the last two years has a large part of my heart.  CYFS have uplifted her children twice now, and you will have to believe me when I say that she was not with him at either time, that both times he enacted violence she was not in a relationship with him. And yet. He walks free because...

Today was the National Day of Random Acts of Kindness. I'm not really about having a day especially for kindness, but I am aware that many people need a focus for random acts of kindness, and that's okay.Let me tell you, though, about what kindness looked like, in my life, today. Many days are full of kindness towards the women at Refuge - most days consist of emails offering me stuff, or money, or kind words.Today though was something...

Tonight, a friend of mine contacted me privately. She wanted to tell me her story of rape. She, like me, is middle-aged. She, like me, has made a life for herself with a good man. But we all carry our secrets, we middle-aged women. And the shame of it is that, although this happened over 35 years ago, this could still happen today, and does. Because this is the culture of our country. Our national shame. The blot on...

This piece was written by my good friend Jane. I convinced her to let me publish it here. It is unedited. Just read Deborah Hill-Cone's piece on Charlotte Dawson. I'm not linking it - it is vile click bait and one of the more despicable opinion pieces I've read.What is really fucking me off about the reportage is that circumstances and events are purportedly to blame for her death. Twitter trolls, ageing, financial and personal insecurity, abortion have all...

Sometimes, I think ( I know) that the issue of domestic violence, and the work we're doing at the Refuge, are very scary to people.  How can you help? What can you do?Remember this: violence is scary. These women are not. They are ordinary people, like you and me. Some of them have had rough as gut lives, some of them have not. Some of them have known nothing but violence, some of them are surprised by it.Either way,...

Yesterday, a group of people came together to celebrate being Aunties. Not Aunties in the traditional sense. These people care about women and children they have never met. I hope to change that somewhat. That having been said it's largely a relationship that appears to have one side.I can assure you that it is not.  The women that are the benefactors of  your graciousness and kindness are appreciative beyond words. Every thing, every gestures, builds them up. Kris and...

When I published the other womens' stories, stories in my own voice, M was really disappointed not to have had the opportunity and said she would like to write something for you all to read. To impress upon you why the Refuge is so important, and to give voice to those you are all helping. She wrote it a while ago, and I only just read it this morning. Sitting next to her, at the dining table at the Refuge,...